I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
