I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
