The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
