so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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