How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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