She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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