is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
