I wanna bring you to show and tell
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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