Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
