I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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