I hate all girls vehemently.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
