There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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