I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
