I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
