I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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