Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
