So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
