Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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