trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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