Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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