I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
