I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
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I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
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I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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