This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
