i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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