Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
