the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
