farters have to be the big spoon...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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