Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Alive.
So much puke
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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