Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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