after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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