I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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