My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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