He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
