I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
