dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
