yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
