You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
