I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
