Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
When are your genitals available?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
