physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
