Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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