remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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