I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she woke up with a sticky ear
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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