I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
