I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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