Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you win again, gameday.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize