oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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