I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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