The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
