I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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