by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
