I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Randomize
