well you can't waste a boner
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
