nut hugger
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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