I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize