Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
