i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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