that's an acceptable place to lick
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
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