i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
