So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
