Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
