I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
