Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(641): View more from Iowa

I met the friendliest cop last night

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(614): View more from Ohio

im so drunk with asians

(1-614): View more from Ohio

where?

(614): View more from Ohio

always

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(647): View more from Ontario

look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.

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(334): View more from Alabama

Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.

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(585): View more from New York

So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.

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(678): View more from Georgia

in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.

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