It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So much rum. So many feels.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
