Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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