at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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