As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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