Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I think my vagina is haunted
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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