the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
