there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Welp...herpes.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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