I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
