hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
