omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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