Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
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I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
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you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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