I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
