He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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